|Old Kong Coal|
|Episode Number:|| Season 1|
Episode 8 (9)
|Writer(s):||Ethan T. Kazarinsky|
|Director:||Elroy Armond Avastaire II|
|Airdate:||November 2, 1997|
|In-Game Basis:||Koala Kong's coal mine boss area in the first game|
|Featured Song:||"The Funky Funky Anthra-Slide!"|
|Moral:||Coal is all-around awful. Be sure to avoid getting some in your stocking by being a good little boy or girl, so Santa will bring you Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back instead!|
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Old Kong Coal is the eighth aired episode of Crash Bandicoot: N-Ventures!, but was the tenth episode produced. This unusually political episode centres around the controversy that arises when Cortex Power is converted to a clean coal-powered facility.
Dr. Neo Cortex has called an emergency meeting with the CEO of Cortex Power, Pinstripe Potoroo, to discuss their dire financial situation, in terms children can understand. Nuclear power seems to be the wave of the past, and all seems lost, until Koala Kong bursts in! He relates the recent story of his epic battle with Crash Bandicoot, that he ended up losing, which isn't important - the point is, the battle was fought in an ancient long-lost unknown coal mine on Wumpa Island. Clean coal, argues Kong, is the wave of the future. Cortex, in a state of desperation, agrees, and Cortex Power is changed, on the spot, to a coal-powered power company! Giant smokestacks on Cortex Island begin pouring out smoke, leading to an allegedly comical cutaway in which Papu Papu attempts to interpret Cortex's "smoke signals". Meanwhile, Coco sees a report about Cortex Power's new coal initiative on Wumpavision. She is infuriated, and personally schedules a meeting with Koala Kong. Coal, argues Coco, is one of the filthiest types of energy known to man, and can never be clean. Koala Kong tries to counter-argue with her, noting that Santa Claus would never give naughty evil children anything that was bad for the environment, but finds himself failing, because he is a stereotypical buffoon. He finally breaks down, and explains to her how humiliating it is to be the "stupid" guy on Cortex Power's team, even beneath Chief Financial Officer Tiny Tiger (who we see attempting to use a calculator, then an abacus, before predictably settling on calculating the plant's finances on his fingers). He breaks down crying. Coco tries to soothe him with a delightful saxophone serenade, but this only makes him angry. He chucks a lamp at her, but she Spin Attacks it back. He throws three more lamps at her, which she utilizes identical animation to Spin Attack back, as well, knocking out Koala Kong. Cortex Power immediately reverts to a nuclear power plant, for the good of the nation, for some reason. Coco tries to watch a news report about this on Wumpavision, back at home, but Crash is far more interested in watching America's Dumbest Home Video Camera Recordings of Idiots. Coco sighs. Meanwhile, Koala Kong has been admitted to a mental institution, due to his professional breakdown. He meets his new roo-mate, Ripper Roo, who talks to him about how coal is awful, and nobody wants it, so you'd better be nice this holiday season, so Santa will get you Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back instead!