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Jungle Rollers

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Jungle Rollers
Junglerollers
Crates: 35 (3 on Green Gem "Route")
Collectibles: 1 Clear Gem

Jungle Rollers is the second level of Crash Bandicoot. A thrilling level thrillingly set within the thrilling jungles of N. Sanity Island, it introduces a number of new obstacles for Crashie to hilariously kill himself with, including TNT Crates and Stone Cheese Wheels, the latter of which is the major gimmick at play here. Obviously, due to the sheer danger of living near perpetually rolling rolling stones "jungle rollers", only a few extraordinary creatures, extremely hardy and well-armoured, can survive here, these being Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps and the notorious Dr. N. Alscentglands.

Mystery of the Disappearing Box: The Rise, Fall, and General Erotic Escapades of the POW Crate![]

POWBlock

An artist's rendering of the POW Block, graciously provided by Dennis Hopper

It is interesting, in the non-interesting sense of the word, to note that the original pre-beta version of this stage contained a unique "POW Crate" - essentially a basic crate, with the word "POW" painted on its side, that seemingly did nothing other than release harmless fireworks. (Real fireworks are not as harmless - I am typing this with gristly wrist stumps.) In appearance, it greatly resembled rival Nintendo's famous POW Block, of rival Mario series fame, coincidentally enough.

This was no coincidence. Everyone knows that Naughty Dog was actually originally programming this game as a new Super Mario Bros. game, starring Super Mario, and mayhap his brother Luigi too, but probably not, since nobody likes Luigi, the intolerable little homo. The entire Naughty Dog crew was utterly in love with Nintendo's famously portly plumber. They loved the way he had virtually no personality. They loved the way he was an Italian plumber, yet only very very rarely engaged in activities related to either plumbing or Italian-ness. They especially loved the way his games invariably sold like hotcakes on "buy three hotcakes, get one handjob free" day. Like terrible cartoon characters, they saw dollar signs in their eyes, and saw developing a Mario game as their ticket to deranged millionairedom - where gold is diamond-encrusted and diamonds are covered in gold! Crash was, obviously, just a generic placeholder character generically holding Mario's character place until Naughty Dog could secure the rights to the non-generic Mario character's place. Soon, he would be replaced with someone more famous, and the game would instantaneously become good!

But Nintendo is a company consisting of stuck-up assholes. They live in Japan, a wretched country that refuses to even exist in the Western Hemisphere, the only TRUE hemisphere. When the cock-eyed (heh heh) optimists at Naughty Dog showed Nintendo their work in progress, Nintendo reacted not with the expected joy and praise, but rather, with a stern and rather douchey "we already have something better in development, thank you very much". Not only did the Big N ban the Big ND from developing a game starring the Big M, they altogether banned Naughty Dog from developing anything at all on the obviously superior Nintendo Entertainment System 64 console. Okay, maybe that was also partly because Naughty Dog could not afford to pay Nintendo's exorbitant licensing fees. Well, anyway. As retribution, Naughty Dog forever banished the awesome power of the POW Crate from Crash Bandicoot, locking it away, forever, ironically turning the POW Crate into....a prisoner of war. THE CONSOLE WAR.

Trivia[]

Junglerollers2

~Double your pleasure, double your fun, with Doublemint, Doublemint, Doublemint Stone Cheese Wheels!~

  • Considering that the other roller level in this game has a name making a witty and sly reference to a well-known band, this level could be a witty and sly reference to the famous Scottish pop group Bay City Rollers, the name change because this stage takes place in the jungle, and presumably not Bay City, Michigan.
  • This is the first level in the entire series in which important series staple TNT Crates and the beloved Bonus Round appear. Interestingly, literally nobody cares what the second level in the entire series in which important series staple TNT Crates and the beloved Bonus Round appeared is. According to some professional palaeontologists, this is because human beings have a predisposed loathing of the number two. This would also explain why nobody likes Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back.
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