|Every Funnel Cloud Has Its Spinner Realigning|
|Episode Number:|| Season 1|
Episode 2 (3)
|Writer(s):||Brendan Michael Gitomer-Browne|
|Airdate:||September 21, 1997|
|In-Game Basis:||None; Possible later inspiration for Tornado Alley|
|Featured Song:||"Let's Do the Uncle Cortie Twist!"|
|Moral:||Never ever go fishing in a thunderstorm.|
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Every Funnel Cloud Has Its Spinner Realigning is the second episode of the first season of Crash Bandicoot: N-Ventures!. The episode features Crash attempting to overcome his stage fright, while Dr. Neo Cortex embarks on a get-rich-quick scheme involving tornadoes.
It's the day of the 64th Annual Wumpa Islands Spin-O-Lympics, and everyone has come out to witness the festivities. Even the President, Papu Papu, is in the crowd! Backstage, Crash is nervous. He's afraid he'll make a fool of himself, but Coco reminds him that he has been working on his new Super Duper Big Big Shiny Spin Attack for weeks now. There's no way he could possibly lose! Crash agrees that she's right, and steps out onto the stage. Unfortunately, when he prepares to execute the Super Duper Big Big Shiny Spin Attack, he is overcome by a rather nasty case of stage fright, and freezes up completely. In an attempt to move the proceedings along, the generic announcer (Jim Cummings) calls out the next competitors, Komodo Joe and Komodo Moe, who show off Amazin' Moe and Joe's Amazin' Seventy-Sabre Spin Dance. Their routine is flawless, which only increases Crash's humiliation. Crash vows to never Spin Attack again. Meanwhile, in Cortex Castle, Dr. Neo Cortex is holding a business luncheon with his three most trusted minions: Dr. N. Gin, Dr. Nitrus Brio, and Ripper Roo. N. Gin showcases his new Spinny Whirly Dizzy Whizzy Tornado Machine, which Cortex explains he wants to use to attract endless flocks of storm-chasing enthusiasts to Cortex Island, which in turn will make him a wealthy millionaire! Unfortunately, he has no one to pilot it yet. Brio volunteers himself, stating that his years of mixing potions makes him perfect for this centrifugal job. Ripper Roo, however, protests that his extensive college education means he'll have an easier time understanding the driver's manual than Brio. Brio and Roo continue to argue over whose argument is more valid. Finally, Cortex has had enough. He bangs his gavel, and reveals his judgement: as punishment for their pointless arguing, Roo and Brio will be forced to co-pilot the machine, together! Roo and Brio just sigh. Then, Ripper Roo pulls out the driver's manual and starts reading it out loud, starting at page one, to Brio's obvious chagrin.
Later, after Ripper Roo has finished learning about how the complicated device is operated, he joins Nitrus Brio to get to work. Brio tries to change the machine up into first gear, but Roo loudly protests! Roo pulls out the manual and reads the passage that says not to enter first gear without first transitioning through the second gear. Brio protests. Manuals are stupid and he doesn't like them! Ripper Roo just whines about how badly Brio is lacking in his dedication to safety. As they continue to argue, we fade into a montage set to this week's original song, the 1950s rock-and-roll-styled "Let's Do the Uncle Cortie Twist!", in which they pilot the machine around Cortex Island, creating numerous adorable little whirlwinds, which are seen to cause a variety of "comical" mishaps across the isle:
- One tornado interrupts Pinstripe Potoroo's unspecified but presumably important legitimate business meeting with a couple of other, generic potoroos, sending files flying everywhere!
- Another knocks over Polar's ice cream cone, consisting of one scoop of each of Beaker-Labby's 35 flavours, and the green-flavoured one lands on his head!
- A third whirlwind interrupts Tiny on his daily stroll through the park, blowing up his loincloth a la Marilyn Monroe, in a gag no child anywhere would get!
As a result of the tornado scheme, Cortex Island experiences a massive surge in tourism. Meanwhile, Crash is still depressed by his bout of stage fright. He embarrassed himself in front of billions of people! Coco tries to tell him that it wasn't his fault, and it's not the end of the world. Crash says he wishes that were true, but he just can't believe her. As an internationally renowned hero, his reputation is constantly on the line! Coco just sighs. Meanwhile, Cortex is in his office, counting his money. The recent influx of tourists means money galore - and it's all his! With this money, he says, to no one in particular, that he can now fulfil his lifelong dream of owning the moon! And on the moon, he'll have the ability to create an awesome evil empire, unrestrained by the limited surface area of pesky little islands. Suddenly, however, two border collies burst into his office, introducing themselves as Willie Herding and Jolene Herding (Rob Paulsen and Special Guest Star Bonnie Hunt, respectively) - the world-famous storm-chasing husband-and-wife superduo! Much to Cortie's surprise, they express extreme boredom at the lackluster tornado storms around the island. Jolene smugly challenges Cortex, Ripper Roo, and Nitrus Brio to create the ultimate "twisting wind storm"! Roo and Brio voice their concerns about this idea, thinking it sounds dangerous. Much to their surprise, however, Cortex gleefully accepts the challenge, and orders Brio and Roo to get back into the machine - and crank it up into thirty-seventh gear! Brio and Roo enter the machine as told. They pilot it up into the skies high above Cortex Island. Roo whines about how badly Cortex is lacking in his dedication to safety. This time, Brio wholeheartedly agrees with him. They resign themselves to their upcoming fate, and pull the lever, taking the machine to its terrifying thirty-seventh gear. The machine loudly buzzes and whirrs and squeals and finally creates....a commercial break.
When we return, it also creates a gargantuan super-tornado! In another montage, set to an alternate dark and foreboding quasi-hard-rock version of "Let's Do the Uncle Cortie Twist!", we see the super-tornado leaving a trail of terrifying destruction across the island:
- First, the tornado tears through Pinstripe Potoroo's unspecified but presumably important legitimate business meeting with the potoroos. The tornado sends all the files flying out the open window. Pinstripe is obviously annoyed. Then, it sends Pinstripe and the other potoroos flying out the open window, too! Pinstripe is now obviously terrified!
- Then, the tornado heads toward Beaker-Labby's Ice Cream Shoppe, where Polar just bought himself thirty-five separate ice cream cones, one of each flavour, assuming it'll be safer this way. However, the super-tornado quickly tears the tray filled with the cones out of Polar's paws, sending the delicious treats flying around the room, and causing Larry to be repeatedly hit with the hard waffle cones, to his obvious annoyance!
- Finally, as Tiny is trying to resume his walk in the park, the tornado sweeps him straight up into the air! He safely lands on a cloud, only for the tornado to pursue him into the sky and send him flying again! This time, he lands in a pond, where the ducks just laugh at him!
Back in his office, Cortex turns to the Herdings and asks what they think of his terrific super-tornado. It's really cool, isn't it? Much to his surprise, they disagree. This is FAR too dangerous, they say! Cortex is dumbfounded. Jolene asks if he can get rid of the tornado. Cortex calls N. Gin into his office, who regretfully informs them that he forgot to build a reverse function into the machine. He never expected that to come up! The Herdings panic. Isn't there any way to stop the impending destruction? Cortex says that there's nothing he can do, and that he wouldn't be terribly willing to do anything anyway. But if there's one man who could stop it, it's the man who stops all of his schemes - Crash Bandicoot! Several hours later, the Herdings arrive at Crashie's front door. They knock, and Coco lets them in. Jolene summarises the problem for Crashie, and for any children out there with particularly short attention spans. Crash just doesn't understand how he's supposed to stop something like that. Coco, however, has a plan: if he un-retires the Super Duper Big Big Shiny Spin Attack, he can use it to counteract the rotation of the super-tornado, somehow! But Crash reiterates that he's done with Spin Attacking, forever. He refuses to embarrass himself again. The Herdings have no choice. They get down on their knees and beg Crash Bandicoot to save the day! Crash questions why he should save an island only inhabited by his eternal archenemies. Jolene steps forward to deliver an awkward speech about looking out for one's enemies, because they're living beings, too. "Don't you have a heart?", she asks. Crash thinks this through for a minute, and finally decides that he guesses she's right. Several hours later, the Herdings and the Bandicoots arrive back on Cortex Island, where everything is a filthy mess. Crash sees the super-tornado, and summons up all his courage to march straight toward it. He winds up his Super Super Big Big Shiny Spin Attack, and lets it loose, counter-clockwise-style. This reverses the tornado, and sends it reversing along its path, repairing all the damage it caused. In a brief montage featuring the reverse old-timey rock-and-roll tune "Twist Cortie Uncle the Do Let's!", we see sped-up versions of the earlier Pinstripe, Polar, and Tiny scenes, but awkwardly reversed, as the reverse tornado is now fixing everything. Jolene and Willie thank Crashie for saving the day, and they depart from the island in their biplane, which we hadn't seen up until this point. Crash just stupidly grins at his own redemption. In the distance, the Komodo Brothers look on, whilst polishing the golden medallion they won from the Spin-O-Lympics earlier. Moe says that with the tornadoes gone, the weather is now safe on Cortex Island for all of eternity. However, Joe points out that thunderstorms are still dangerous. Moe insists that he's not even scared of them - they make terrific ambience while he's on relaxing fishing expeditions. Joe just sighs, and tells Moe, and the children at home, that fishing in a thunderstorm is something that they should never ever do.